Learning Journal 2

Learning Journal 2

In today's session we discussed the contract that we will have as a group collective. This was a really interesting piece of work not least because it brought out some interesting stories and variance of opinions but also as it’s the bedrock of how will work together. With clients we will need to have this foundation on which for them to feel safe, secure and confident in the process that will enable them to explore what is going on. It is I feel a very interesting place to go to explore our own thoughts and contact our own feelings and for this to happen must surely require a sense of ease that going into this place will be ok.

Have I been setting out this foundation in my current role as a recovery worker? Do I really start of on that sure footing that lets someone know they are in a safe place, will be heard and is able at least to know if they do feel able, they can disclose things they may never have told themselves or others? I’m not sure. I know I want to be this kind of practitioner.

We set out the standards of which we will work together to explore the skills and knowledge as a collective. We covered many expectations of ourselves such as timekeeping (eeek) which is really important actually in terms of setting the right mood for competence and mutual respect. We discussed confidentiality and that what is shared in mini groups may not necessarily be appropriate to share to a wider audience, so the mini groups can be an intimate and safe place. In doing this we demonstrated that we recognize the ways in we would like to be treated and how we need to be mindful of each other.

By exploring the expectations of conduct in our training group and how we would like them to be managed is bound to transfer to how we are able to manage our own behaviours and treatment of clients. We recognized the potentiality for negative situations to arise and that this is part of the interplay between the clients and us as individuals. For me the chance is there for such a matter to be explored and used as grist for the mill, unless the matter is unlikely to be resolved or needs delicate treatment, with care and caution and balance. I would hope to be able to use immediacy and genuiness with the client in any evolving situation and if needed let them know that I felt that there was a lack of ‘togetherness’ perhaps. Knowing how and what to address will come with experience. We would owe this to the client as part of a meaningful relationship.

One issue that came to light in this group was the potential aggression or conflict between us as group members. I hadn’t even considered this as an issue but apparently this had come up in a previous course for other members. I guess this conflict could and may well arise between us as workers with clients as not everything can be ‘tickety boo’ all the time. However if handled correctly and with care consideration and honest balance, surely any conflict would be an amazing chance for both parties to learn together. That is why raising issues between us as a group is so important. We explored how it could be handled the resolution seemed to be around balance and respect and for me an open dialogue, all both of which I would hope are present always.

I know that I have issues in the professional arena often, which I hope do not stay with me as a part of who I am. I seem to find usually that I react badly to something that isn’t necessarily ok, such as someone being rude, thoughtless or egocentric and then me not asserting myself. I had a build up of negativity towards a colleague a few weeks ago because they kept moving across onto my desk area. How childish of me to be annoyed about it. But by not addressing it, the matter has degenerated. It’s the fact that I haven’t addressed it that is crating the negativity for me. Isnt this a lack of congruence and openness? Had I been more authentic and told Alan what I really actually felt the very first time, maybe I could have avoided a situation. This lack of getting my own needs met means that a resentment is carried and then this causes a series of negative thoughts and actions from me. If I can develop into a more tactful person that wants an open dialogue about things, then situations may not degenerate.

I have explored what its like for Alan in this situation. He is an established member of the team. He is 22 years older than me and age carries some rank, although less so in our culture. He also had been given a desk near the door, which he hated and often we are not in the building at the same time and it would be easy for him to feel its ok to move across. For both of us its about territory and I totally get how uncomfortable it must feel to be fighting over it, as I was too.

I find rudeness difficult to accept or justify in people. I think that it stems from the ‘getting my needs met’ concept. Perhaps then it is a basic survival adaptation? Rudeness is all about taking what’s not yours to me. Helping yourself and this is not fair. It could be anything from taking more time to be heard, driving in such a way as to impede others or hunting wildlife. It all makes me feel varying degrees of negativity. I don’t always believe that my thoughts and beliefs on this are totally gold standard. I may be wrong. But its when I’m under pressure and under stress that I can be less absorbing of the pushes and pulls of sharing an integrated life that being human and a member of society is very full of. I have to share space, roads and countryside with all sorts of people and it does me no good to bother with the tiny battles that form every time I take umbrage with my neighbor, a driver or so on. Everyone, like myself, may or may not be in the middle of their battles and have had their own life shaping experiences. This philosophy helps me to maintain some kind of check on my beliefs and makes for an easier trip to the grave.

One matter from today did make me think about our limitations as workers especially given the potential trust placed in us by vulnerable people. How can we work with vulnerable people and attend to them in a person centered way if we are in any way not at our best, or intoxicated, tired or emotional? One of my fellow students seemed quite talkative and uninhibited during the session, which alerted me somewhat. Then at one point the lady took medication, which she clearly needed due to being in some discomfort, and at this point I became slightly more thoughtful. I have spent time on medications myself and do have insights into the impact they can make on mood and cognitive functions. Certain medications can impair attention and connection to complex thoughts that may gauge consequences, for example. It must also be a particular challenge to truly empathize with someone if one is intoxicated.

I feel that we as students of a professional discipline should be aware of what may or may not be going on and it is our duty to monitor each other. If I felt that a colleague was depressed or bereaved, I would suggest that working alongside a client may not be appropriate at this time if I felt it would be an unsafe thing to happen and the same would go for strong medications. I sincerely hope that if a fellow student on my course is medicating with something stronger than paracetamol, that the issue is not permanent or enough of an impairment to prevent someone from working alongside clients, although perhaps drug and alcohol work may be unsuitable in the interim.  As practitioners we must surely be mindful of our limitations of when working with a vulnerable client groups. Taking psychoactive medication in and around sessions can impact cognitive ability, of this I am quite sure.

The group is made of many different types of people and different learning styles. I mentioned something to my minigroup by way of suggesting that we may be mindful of how we are in the discussions, that we might be mindful of how much we are holding the floor or talking more and more frequently. It may well be that some individuals like to get the release of performing and that feedback, or simply have a day when they are more involved. However it has been my experience to notice the same role tends to fall on an individual to perform more frequently and I can find this tiresome. If the same person is always entering the conversation irrespective of quality of input or thought or a person is frequently minded to speak and then finish the interjection with a self-deprecating humorous mini-retraction, it can feel like the learning is drawn out. I know that I can speak up in a classroom and then add in a humorous caveat at the end or ‘finish with a laugh’. Do I do this to be more accepted, to soften the blow of what I may be saying? Is it necessary to add something more agreeable to something disagreeable in order to make it more palatable? I often find it the other way around with speech, for example, “I don’t mean to be rude , but…” (of which there are several variations) essentially is a softening of the blow by detachment, to me. My responses to people that use these phrases tend to be mixed as I tend to find myself measuring their dependence on them. If someone is dependent on phrases like this, are they aware of it? Perhaps they are less confident in their opinions and so find it hard to confront and get their own needs met. I can certainly relate to this. Also, they can become habit and just used as norm and common parlance. As someone working with clients it is probably useful to be aware of these differences and know when someone is using a verbal or communication style and how much of an impact this has on indicating any underlying issues, and certainly not make assumptions that the use of humour or stock phrases is indicative of anything more than it is.

In general I am glad to explore my own responses to others. To read my own thoughts like this in a journal makes me naturally add in a counter argument to my initial judgments. We are all as IO mentioned going through our own battles and have our own shaping experiences and I would like to grow in my appreciation of this. For me that would a place of tremendously important personal growth.