Learning Journal 51

We had a skills session this week. I used it to focus on a criteria I still need to tick off, the 4.2.3. I had never really tried to hit this in a skills session before and it showed. The ‘what lies behind’ or ‘unspoken’ agendas seemed to be quite a challenge to get out in a 15 minute session, although it was possible.

In my sessions with clients, in university and college practice sessions, I suspect that I have fallen into a comfort zone of relying on empathy and UPR. For me the relationship has been absolutely key, and really understanding the person has come first. Now I really feel that it is time to look beyond that.

I had a client who brought a lot of feelings such as frustration and fear and loss at his current predicament, finding work less enjoyable as the team ethic had been replaced by ruthlessness in the workplace. I was very able to follow the individual feelings and was very able to be with the client in his experience, but then to take counselling ‘to another level’; I feel that I need to be able to focus on the underlying feeling, which was hinted at. There were a few chances to catch something stronger, a fear in the client, and I missed the importance of this.

This disappoints me as I want to grow into being a better counsellor and I feel that I have many of the basics, but have stagnated somewhat of late. This concerns me a little as it very much typifies my experiences through life. To find myself achieving something fairly easily, but not know how to improve or apply effort, and so getting left behind.

Getting left behind I would say describes my experience growing up. I found all studies quite easy at first; all subjects and all activities come fairly easily to me at a basic level. There are very few things I cannot pick up quite quickly. This is not such a blessing.

Finding school or music lessons very easy as a child does not make for a good future. All it did was train me to not know how to apply effort. I have always struggled with endeavour and work, beyond a certain level. This really impacted me as going into ‘A’ level studies for example left me woefully prepared compared to many of my peers as I have never learned to ‘work’. As ever the mantra is being aware of this is half the battle, but it is something I carry with me in a regretful and slightly fearful sense even now.

I wonder if this is something that is beginning to happen too in counselling. Have I dropped the ball? Am I allowing being good at empathising and confident with people to be enough? Should I not now be looking at how I can improve? So in the skills session I want to be able to pin point the emotions that really matter to the client, and brush away the easier and more acceptable smokescreens that they bring. That being said, it was only a 15-minute session and much of that is client story. To give someone a chance to speak is fair enough I think, and to cut in with things in this initial session is quite challenging. Given time with the client I feel that I would get there, but of course, in the exam situation we will not have this.

I saw 4 clients this week and then had supervision.

One client I saw for the last time. NV had been a gift to me and remains special as she was my first university student client. She has a speech difficulty and is struggling with anxiety. I was perfect for her really as there was no hidden agenda, no secret task to uncover, just that, anxiety. She was grateful to have a person-centred therapist to hear how it was for her every week. I offered he that safe and non-judgemental space, and that was all. That part I’m good at. Not every client has a hidden agenda so I’m confused as to why the exam demands we enable clients to speak about hidden ones. Maybe some people do not have a hidden agenda.

The other three clients I met all for the first time. One was a client who had come to vent, as he clearly wants to leave his course. My role is to listen to that, that is all. Again I’m not needed to look for the hidden agenda here either. This is real life, not exams. People come with all sorts of different reasons for counselling, not just to speak about the unspoken.

Another client I met that day was a struggle for me. She was a client who seemed to present with both a very minor issue, so I was left feeling what is it you want from counselling, but also something else. She was highly nervous in being around me and sharing anything. This presented the second difficulty.

This client is beautiful, she is clever and successful, yet she has a physical problem right now and it is clearly having a massive impact on her. But yet she didn’t really want to tell me much more than that. I was left kinda wondering if I had created an environment whereby she could trust me enough. Should the work be to create that environment or talk about what it is in the room that is a barrier? I don’t know. I’m meeting her again next week. But secretly I hope she doesn’t show up, as I do not know what I can offer her. Unless exploring the environment so she can open up is the initial step, and then to perhaps see if she would like to share more about her worries and concerns. I think I have been guilty of not going deep enough into what she has described. The pain that she is going through as her knee ligaments are damaged is stopping her socialising, going out, shopping and dancing and exercising. This has massive knock-on effects, but this is rather stoic about this.

There may be something in her Polish nationality or Vietnamese background that doesn’t lend itself well to opening up, but then why come to counselling? Maybe we can explore that too.

I spoke about my career option in supervision this week. My supervisor couldn’t give me any clear advice, and that is starting to feel a theme in counselling. However as it turns out most of the jobs I hear talked about or the one I have seen advertised require 450 hours client time. Knowing full well counsellors will have to achieve that off their own bat, that assumes 450 voluntary hours I can only see. That’s a huge commitment, to a job that doesn’t pay well for that kind of investment. I am left feeling quite defeated by this. How can I justify to my children spending 2 more years of Saturdays giving my time up for free, to then be able to apply for, not get, apply for, work as a counsellor. Lola will be 7 years old by then.