Learning Journal 52

So I started therapy with a counsellor yesterday. A professional one. It was very interesting because I went not out of my own personal need for therapy, but because I had to. This was clearly on the counsellor’s mind as we went through the session.

I found him to be extremely likable, and I will continue with him. I did not find myself impressed or intrigued like I had been by Ben Selby, this chap is more likeable and that creates a place where I want to work with him. I took note of this quality. It struck me that the most important quality this chap had was that I liked him. If that is the only quality a counsellor has, then that’s obviously worth a great deal. You cant teach that stuff.

So I got to thinking what it was that I liked about him. That’s a hard thing to describe, as you just feel it. So what did I feel? I felt able to trust him, I felt able to share with him as I was not judged and I felt he was interested in me. That was about it. Then we’re back round to what needs to happen from a counsellor to a client, and that was about it.

I have to say I was a little disappointed we didn’t do any contracting, I gathered he works within the BACP framework for guidance and support regarding professional standards, but that was because I asked him about his 450 hours. I also asked him how he got into private practice and how much the room costs and a bunch of stuff to satisfy my childish curiosity about how I could be in his chair. Still to take from this, I still feel the business side of the contract was something he neglected. We’re doing it next time apparently.

I had two sessions with new clients this week. Also a cancellation. Nobody has cancelled on me before. I think I’m fine with it. She cancelled after one session. I still think I’m fine with it.

My needs. My needs with this client, were to have at least had a second session. While I struggled with any presenting issue, I felt that I wanted to have another go. However, the client clearly did not feel the same.

On reflection I was quite struck by how un-needy she was. This must have leaked out. How could a beautiful, academically successful and confident young women possibly need counselling. I don’t think that finding her attractive helped me in any way. On top of that she was east Asian and eastern European. This possibly added a stoicism I thought about later after the sessions, as I had found her quite reserved. The session we had together had been quiet at times as I searched for an angle. I wish now I had brought that forward into the moment and stated exactly how I had found the session, difficult. I wish I had brought into the room that I was struggling to reason a support for her and perhaps she had booked the counselling when she had needed it, but then the news of her operation coming through had removed the original despair. But then I recall thinking that surely anyone would benefit somehow from counselling to some degree, so I ploughed on regardless. Its not like the session ever felt awkward, just by my standards it lacked something. A clear agenda.